Dear Body,

It’s good to hear from you again. I’m sorry I haven’t kept in touch and checked in with you. I know I said I would listen to your needs and do better to make sure they were met this year and I haven’t exactly kept that promise so far.

Last week I said that I didn’t like the way you looked and that wasn’t fair to you. I understand that Aunt Flo is visiting and that is always a stressful time for us both. I know it wasn’t helpful that I binge ate that entire box of Girls Scout Cookies but I was feeling down and they lifted my spirits in the moment. It wasn’t fair to you to then get upset that my indulgent snack made you bloat and feel icky the next day. I knew better and you really are doing your best.

I apologize that I get upset with your appearance at all as if your purpose in life is to be pleasing to the eye. Even still, you are beautiful and there are people that envy the way you look. I should be one of them.

Today I cursed at you for aching from the workouts I pushed you through recently. What I should have said was that I am proud of you for allowing me to lift heavy things and jump right back into the gym after multiple years away. I should have praised you for getting me through leg day without stressing my knee was going to give out - while we are here, I am sorry for never taking care of that fracture a couple of years ago as well and expecting you to just magically repair yourself. That’s not how healing and recovery works.

This week I have been annoyed with you for making me experience the classic symptoms of PMS instead of honoring the incredible process that is womanhood. There are many women who don’t get to experience what I do and I should be more grateful for a healthy reproductive system.

I’m sorry I’ve looked at you in disgust through a breakout. I realize it’s the only way you know how to purge my body of the unwanted toxins when I don’t keep up with my skin care routine. I will work on doing my part to help you succeed.

Thank you for continuing to wake up and move me through my tasks on just the caffeine, 6 hours of sleep, and good luck pat on the butt I give you each day. I will make more effort to give you the nutrients you need to sustain us more efficiently.

I’m sorry I wish away the fine lines, wrinkles, and stray grey hairs. I am grateful for every year I am blessed to live. It is a privilege to age. And I will wear the signs as a badge of honor.

Thank you for allowing me to feel, move, and dance.
Thank you for supporting me while I chase after my dreams. Boudoir ain’t easy on you.
Thank you for taking whatever shit I throw at you and making it work to keep us alive. You are resourceful AF.
Thank you for assisting me in empowering women to gain confidence in their own body. We set an example.
Thank you for being a better partner to me than I have ever been in return.

I promise to take better care of you.
I promise to listen to you more and give you what you need.
I promise to show you grace and forgiveness.
I promise to never give up on you.
I promise to shower you with love and support.
…and also soap and water.

We are stuck with each other for this lifetime and I’m ready to work as a team instead of enemies.
YOU AND ME TOGETHER? WE CAN DO ANYTHING, BABE!

Love always,
My Soul

Real talk. When I first took these self portraits. I hated them. In fact, I didn’t even look at them again for another week. Seeing them now, in a different headspace, it makes me a little sad to think about. How unfair and unkind I was to myself that day. The pictures are the exact same. I didn’t retake them. Someone didn’t sneak in and photoshop away my insecurities. I was feeling frustrated [read hormones] with my body that day. I felt sluggish and bloated and just not like myself. I ached all over and PMS was hitting my emotions hard.

This week I feel better. I have practiced what I preach and stuck with some healthy habits over the last week. My raging hormones are more of a low dose dread now than a spiral of doom. [Thank you Aunt Flo, it was great to see you, but you’ve overstayed your welcome. I’ll get the door.] Overall I’m simply in a different mental space. There will be good days and bad days. Some days my body will feel a little foreign and others I’m ready hop in front of a camera and show my body the love and respect it deserves.

In all of this though, my body hasn’t changed much. Only how I perceive it. I find comfort and power in knowing that. In knowing that I can choose how I perceive my body. I can choose to love it in all of it’s stages. I get to define the relationship I have with my body. Only me. There will be tough days because life is messy and imperfect. There will be days I feel frustrated but there will never be a day that I do not love my body and everything it continues to do for me.

FUCK YES FOR GROWTH!

DO YOU WANT TO CHANGE THE RELATIONSHIP YOU HAVE FOR YOUR BODY BUT AREN’T SURE HOW TO GET THERE? LET’S CHAT! A BOUDOIR PHOTOSHOOT CAN HELP!

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